Meeting Narayani Amma has given me an insight into what enlightenment is. At the first house I went to see Amma, we couldn’t get a seat in the room where the puja was going to be held, so we sat in an adjoining room. I was caught up in my own emotions and wasn’t really connecting to what was happening. I did manage to catch a glimpse of Amma as Amma passed through the crowd, but there was so much commotion that I did not feel Amma's presence. We sat and chanted, but I wasn’t really connected to what was taking place.
Then Amma began speaking through the interpreter. Amma talked of the different types of love - animal, human and divine. It was as if Amma was speaking directly to me because that was the issue I had been struggling with. The Universe was teaching me this concept and my fear of loving this way and letting go of the old way was causing me much pain.
After Amma's talk, I felt lighter. I contemplated what was said and realized that divine love would bring true joy and happiness into my life. I know that it will take time to move up into that love, but I am confident that with practice I will get there.
The next time I saw Amma was at the celebration at the University. This time when Amma entered the room, I was very moved by the power of Amma's presence and the love that emanated. I love watching Amma laugh. It is as if Amma's whole body is laughing.
My next experience was at a different house than the first one. We spent the whole day there. I felt much more relaxed and ready to absorb what was happening. The puja was more powerful to me although I still was not as mindful as I wanted to be. What truly amazed me was the level of giving that was taking place. I was moved with the realization that Amma is here to give to us, 24 hours a day. I was given a new insight into the meaning of the word giving.
My heart began to pound as someone announced that Amma would be meeting with people. I had thoughts of being unworthy and that I wasn’t at the right level spiritually to meet Amma. I had thoughts that Amma would see right through me to my unworthiness. Luckily, I was able to push these thoughts aside so as not to plunge into my fear.
I stood in the line with the others and constantly reminded myself that we are all in our paths and no one is better or worse than the other. Then it was my turn. I was nervous and my heart was pounding. Amma looked at me and smiled. I knelt down and took the holy water in my hand and made a big slurping noise drinking it. I felt foolish. Amma smiled.
The energy in the room was beautiful. Amma asked me what Amma could do for me. I looked away. I told Amma that I had pain in my heart chakra and that I found it difficult to give or receive love. Amma told me that I would be healed through service. Amma tied a string around my wrist. As Amma did this, I asked Amma, “What kind of service?” Amma's body shook with joyful laughter. I felt very loved at that moment. Amma looked at me and said, “Service to humanity. Amma will lead.”
The smile on my face as I thanked Amma must have reached from one end of the room to the other. I floated out of the room and was filled with a beautiful energy. I finally felt connected to what was taking place.
That evening’s puja had a new meaning to me. Amma spoke of the importance of teaching children reverence for God. I knew then that I needed to talk more about God to my thirteen year old daughter. We are not part of a traditional religion, but now, when I am tucking her in I remind her to thank God for the blessings. We have had great conversations about God.
About a week after Amma left, I was given a gift. I dreamt that I was given enlightenment. I could feel what it was to be truly above emotions and attachments, and to be in pure joy. I have a new understanding of what the struggle is for. I am so grateful to all the people who worked so hard to bring Amma to Calgary. I am also grateful to Amma for all of Amma's wonderful gifts.